


Diplomatic Shipping

by Hamimifk (BatchSan)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ninjas, Cat Puns, Community: femslash12, Diplomacy, F/F, Femslash, Gen, Humanstuck, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 02:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatchSan/pseuds/Hamimifk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kanaya gets captured while out scouting and Nepeta's obsession with shipping saves the day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diplomatic Shipping

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Masu_Trout](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masu_Trout/gifts).



> **A/N:** Written for Masu_Trout for Femslash12.  
>  One of the things mentioned on their likes was 'Wild AUs' and I just had to - HAD TO - do a ninja AU, because fuck yeah, ninjas! ^^; Let's just hope my recipient likes the idea as much as I did. And uh, I could be talked into doing some kind of Ninjastuck story based on this (or continuing this). =33 (Oh man, Nepeta's dialogue was so much fun to write!) 
> 
> **A/N 2:** I used some Japanese words and a few ninjutsu related terms (for clothing/weapon) so a helpful breakdown:  
>  _sensei_ = teacher, _Neko_ = Cat, _Uma_ = Horse, _Shojyo_ = Virgin (could be wrong, but this is what I found during a quick search so corrections are appreciated! - Also, no, it does not mean that the clan is celibate), _Shinobi shozoku_ = Ninja outfit, _kunai_ = ninja blades/daggers, _Neko te_ = a weapon worn on the fingertips to simulate claws

The ends of my scarf brush the floor as I pause to bow before my sensei. I would never outright admit to letting my eyes trail up her legs as I straighten up. It's not like it's my fault for my wandering eyes with the way her legs are sticking out through the slits running down the sides of the bottom of her dress. The black ink tattooed to her pale skin always leaves my fingers itchy and longing to trace each painstakingly perfect arc and curve of the ink. I try to chalk it up to her success as a kunoichi because honestly, what man, or woman, could resist those legs? But I know she's doing it to test my control. When I meet her eyes, she gives me that smile that says she knows exactly what I was doing, to which I match her smile. Touche, I concede in silence. 

"You sent for me, sensei?" I ask, pretending my minor transgression hadn't occurred.

"Indeed," she nods and tucks midnight hair behind her ear. My fingertips twitch again.

"A telegram arrived this morning saying that the Neko clan is moving in from the north. We sent several scouts ahead and I believe it would be wise for you and I to confer with them before confronting the Neko clan leader, Nepeta."

"I assume Kanaya is leading the scouting team?"

"Who better?"

The color of her dark green lips matches perfectly with her dress, I note briefly as she smiles. 

"I hardly think Nepeta is worth so much attention for you and I to interfere with them if Kanaya has already gone ahead," I say, deciding that she's distracted me enough with her intoxicating visual overload to my eyes. "Why the scouting and possible direct confrontation of their leader this time?"

"It's on good authority that Nepeta has called in her long standing alliance with the Uma clan to help her invasion on our clan."

"I see..." I say, turning my eyes away from her in thought. "But Porrim-sensei, I thought the Uma clan was essentially peaceful?"

"Ah, Rose, that is why I'm the sensei and you are the student," Porrim tuts playfully. "Some years ago, there was a sudden and bitter frost that fell in the north where the Uma clan reside. They were unprepared for it and many of them grew too sick to hunt and reinforce their settlements to wait out the frost. Nepeta, whom had been friends with the leader of the Uma clan, Equius, since childhood, upon hearing of their predicament, raced with medicine and reinforcements to aide them. The clan recovered and survived the rest of the frost season easily and Equius, forever grateful, swore to aide the Neko clan in any future endeavors that may call upon allies."

"Such as fighting our clan for our land," I finish.

"Yes, Rose."

She moves away from her desk and saunters up to me. Sensei is as deadly as she is beautiful, a fact that she flaunts without ever being overly prideful of it. Pride, she has taught Kanaya and I, is something only for the needy. It's fine to be proud of one's accomplishments, but to be prideful of one's physical appearance is a waste of time. Beauty does not ensure your safety in battle, after all.

"Shall we wait for Kanaya's return? Or is there perhaps something else we should be attending to at this moment?" I ask, steadying my composure as she stops before me.

"Barring interference, Kanaya should be returning shortly as she set out well before dawn, and while there are several things of importance to go over, I rather attend to some other pressing matters."

Soft lips press against mine, marring the black of my lips and the green of hers. A hand comes to rest on the back of my head, pulling me close to her. I'm not anywhere near as tall as sensei is, but she graciously stoops down so my arms can wrap around her neck. I immediately take the chance to satisfy part of the itch in my fingertips by burying them in her long, dark hair. Lovely.

A knock at the door draws a heavy groan of annoyance from her throat. "Come in," she calls, reluctantly disengaging herself from my grasp.

A young shinobi enters the room, bows, and pretends not to notice the smeared lipstick around our mouths, with a visible flush across his cheeks. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Porrim-sensei, but there's been an attack on the scouting party. They've been captured."

*

I trail just behind sensei as we march up to the Neko clan's camp. Nomads by nature, they have no permanent location so their camp was not just a simple camp, but their actual homestead, in a sense. Several guards ran to intercept her and she held out a hand for me to stop from reaching for my kunais.

"I demand an audience with your leader. Tell her Porrim of the Shojyo clan is here."

Her voice is low and even, sending a thrill down my spine as I recognize the danger laced around that tone. The guards give her a once over, clearly unaware of the severe danger they were attempting to stay the hand of. One nodded and disappeared into the campgrounds as I take the time to survey their set-up with a calculating eye. It isn't a particularly large settlement and I wonder if this is because the clan had split up, with the other half somewhere else, or if they were just a small clan to begin with.

After a few moments, the guard returns and motions for us to follow. I keep close to sensei's back, not trusting the look of the feline worshippers even though I am quite fond of felines. He guides us to a large tent off the left of the entrance where four guards sit cross-legged on the floor within, staring us down. Opposite of the entrance, sits a young woman possibly a year or two older than myself. She's seating atop several rugs made of various animal hides, the topmost one being white and fluffy. 

"Purrim! Hello!" she greets with a large smile.

"Hello, Nepeta. I would rather avoid the pleasantries, if you don't mind."

"Oh boo! Come on Purrim! Play with me fur a bit!"

"Nepeta," sensei says as calmly as she can. "Your people took some of my people, and I would like them back."

Nepeta only looks bored at the news. "They were poking around like bad little kittens so we put them in punishment." She pauses and studies sensei for a long time, her eyebrows knitting together before springing apart like a surprised feline. "Oooo! Does one of the bad kittens belong to you?"

"In a manner of speaking..."

The feline worshipping clan leader reached behind her hides and bounced off of them with a book in her hands. She eagerly races up to us, clearly unworried by whatever threat we might have been able to poise to her in close proximity. I eye the neko te on her fingertips cautiously.

"Purrim! You didn't tell me I had to update my shipping chart!" I was instantly intrigued as she flips open the book and begins rifling through it. Moreso because there is a noticeable tension in sensei's shoulders as she looks on in silence. 

I knew she had a long history of running through lovers, and despite that, Kanaya and I had still fallen for her long legs and soft lips. I remember briefly, when I was younger, a kunoichi named Meenah that sensei had a fling with, but she was too loud and mouthy. They didn't last long from what I could remember. Beyond that, I knew little else.

"Ah! So, no more Aranea?" Nepeta asks.

A muscle twitches in sensei's jaw. "No."

Aranea - I store the name away for later questions.

"Okay! Hold on..." The page is ripped out and a fresh page opened to. "Tell me about your mew kitten so I can update my shipping chart."

"Only if you agree to release the people you captured and abandon this silly invasion attempt on the Shojyo clan. What would you even do with our land?"

Nepeta pouts and tilts her head to the side. "Equius wants a warm winter home for the Uma clan, we're only helping him."

"As you're his moirail, I strongly suggest you talk him out of it, and again, release my people, and I'll tell you all about my new kittens." Sensei's smile was absolutely debauched after she says 'kittens'. 

I feel somewhat cheapen by the term, but I remain carefully stoic as sensei is clearly in control of the situation.

"'Kittens'!?" Nepeta squeals, a toothy grin splitting across her face. "Oh Purrim! You naughty thing! Tell me! Tell me!"

"Not until you meet my conditions first." A pause. "I'll even give you a sultry tale or two about my new kittens."

I want to elbow her, but it takes a fairly large effort to keep myself from blushing and giving up our part of the bargaining chips.

Nepeta pouts. "But Equius will be purrty mad."

"Simply convince him that this location is not worthy of his attention and he should try on the far east end of the forest as it's vacant and thus, no wear on his or yours efforts."

"That... That could work," Nepeta concedes after a moment of thought. "Okay, it's a deal! What's your bad kitty's name so my guard can bring him or her here?"

"Kanaya."

They shake hands and Nepeta proceeds to direct two of her guards to release the captives outside of the campgrounds, but to bring Kanaya back to the tent we were standing in. When they are gone, she waves us over to her hides and invites us to sit with her.

"Is this one of your kittens?" 

I'm startled when I realize she's looking at me with hungry and gleeful eyes. The olive coloring of her irises make me think feline without hesitation. Up until then, I thought she was purposely ignoring me, which wouldn't be the first time a clan leader had overlooked my status as sensei's bodyguard. But something in Nepeta's eyes now gives me the impression she had been suspicious of my true actions at sensei's side all along. 

Sensei winds her arm around my waist and pulls me to her. "Yes, she is. Rose, be a good kitty and say hello to Nepeta."

"Hello," I say, blushing at the pet name. Unfortunately, I am in no position to speak out against it. "I'm pleased to make your acquaintance."

"You're so purlite and cute, Rose! Purrim likes the purlite and cute ones a lot. I bet you're also really smart too!"

"I've been told something along those lines, but one does not take pride in superficial aspects as that."

Nepeta gasps and giggles deliriously. "Purrim, she's one of your students!?"

"She's of age," Porrim defends mildly, stroking my arm protectively. "And so is Kanaya."

The feline lover giggles and begins drawing in her book as sensei and her catch up. When Kanaya enters the tent, her jade shinobi shozoku slightly dirty, I'm across the floor with my arms around her before she realizes I'm there to begin with. She gasps momentarily and hugs me back.

"She's purrty cute too!" I can hear Nepeta giggling behind me. "Rose! Kanaya! Come here so Purrim can tell me tails about you three and I can add Kanaya to my book!"

"What on earth is she going on about?" Kanaya asks.

"Apparently our beloved sensei and the Neko clan leader know each other." I kiss her softly on the lips and take her hand. "Oh, and as a condition of your release, sensei's going to tell her about the first time we all made love together."

The bright blush on Kanaya's face is well worth the marginal smudge of the truth.


End file.
